To: All Employees
Date: 19 December 2013
All employees are reminded that the company time machine is not for personal use. We have now instituted a sign-in sheet policy for using the time machine, and all official time travel should be billed to the appropriate client. Plutonium is expensive and hard to replace – there are only so many Libyan terrorists in the world, after all.
Furthermore, the recent spate of “looping” incidents has caused us to institute a new policy – it no longer matters how many “versions” of an employee are simultaneously in the office, you are still only going to be paid as though there’s one of you. Last week a single employee logged 637 hours of overtime. This is unacceptable, as it violates Ontario Ministry of Labour employment standards as well as the laws of causality.
All employees are required to read and sign off on this memo before 1 January, 1969.
One final note: Stop trying to kill Hitler. It never works and it always causes no end of trouble.